Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
