Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
this beer tastes like vomit already
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I need to wash the frat house off of me
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
