I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
