somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
