Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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