hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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