i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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