how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
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