she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
