What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
