did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
