There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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