through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
