my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
