he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
