Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
Randomize
