You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
