Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Randomize
