so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
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