Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
