Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
