Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
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