you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
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