I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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