Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
