**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
its liver damage thursday
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Randomize
