why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
