After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
