I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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