Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
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