i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
