there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Randomize
