Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Randomize
