Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Randomize
