He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
