You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Randomize
