My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Actions speak louder than pants.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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