Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
That was before I lit my hair on fire
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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