Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
