...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
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