She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
