I think I just saw someone hide a body.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
