I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
