Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
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