I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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