so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
