I want to make a zoo with you.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
