Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
