I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
