So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
