i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
