Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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