Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
